Uncanny

I’m moving. Want to have updates? Contact me personally and I’ll tell you the url alright kids?Ciao~!

Well, we weren’t on time because we had to wait for Bing Shen and Charlene. Xue Yi and Aphicha came to check on us. Loud people. Haha.

I feel like I don’t fit in. Maybe a little uncomfortable, but a little happy inside. It was awesome to look at them people again. Not much changed, especially the volume. :X They’re great people to be with, haha that nolstagic feeling. Everyone’s so happy and enjoying their post-Os break. Whilst I’m still worried. Everyone’s got their plans, but I’m still so unsure. Can’t imagine another 4 years down the road. We would be 20 already. I hope I would be somewhere, useful and contributing to the society. Haha.

Miss Lim paid for everything. Like wow. Haha, I feel kinda bad though. Heh, because my mom gave me moolah to pay. Gah, never mind can save up. I probably can’t send Aphicha off on the 1st because  I have a concert on the 2nd. ): Nvm, there’s still facebook!

Gah I’m going for CJC’s tune-in. Go okay. (Helping Joan and jie to advertise) Err, it would be fun! Yea!

Snoozing in tomorrow morning, then I’m going to clear my chinese books once and for all. Finally. Can’t quite believe my Crescent life has ended. I still remember orientation days! Crescent was fun. (:

CJ thought I was emo. I’m okay already! (: Thanks everyone! 😀

-edit-

Anyway I went to the gym with gf today. Thanks Sandra, I guess you’re one of the most awesomest friends in my life. I hope we won’t end up in the same JC, just so that you can get into your dream jc as you know it’s clearly impossible for me. I guess it was scary to once have lost a friend so dear, but it made us stronger, don’t you think so?? The point is, I love you, with or without make up.

I’m going to have a private blog soon. Just for the more special people in my life. Haha, maybe you? It will be more detailed and everything. So I might be letting go of this blog a little. Will update about it soon. (:

You know what. I fucking very pissed right now. Like gathering is at 6.30pm tomorrow. And I hate being out at night because I just hate it okay. Unless it’s some concert. So what are supposed to do at night? Dinner? By the time we get anywhere it’s already like what 7? Then what time am I supposed to go home huh? Okay I’m just one selfish dumbass dumbbell.

Anyway she is trying to convince me that my brother actually cares for me. Look here, I don’t friggin’ care. And I know him all my life, but she only knows him for like what 1 year? Please, for one, I don’t forgive. Two, he calls me a slut and a nerd, which doesn’t make sense at all. Three, I don’t fucking care. If I am supposed to spare a thought for him, who is going to spare a thought for me? I know you’re damn nice and all but please luh, guys are the greatest liar for old time’s sake. And I don’t want to be treated like some kid okay. Like what’s with the ‘when you grow up…’ and all, I’m just younger by a few years, and I have already grown up. Just treat me like an outsider and the relationship will be mutual okay. To tell you the truth, you’re one of the thirty over gfs he had already. Sad but, you are not the first, and neither will you be the last. I’m so sorry but that’s the cold, harsh fact and I know you will never believe me but at least I tried.

Alright I know you care, afraid I will get into some weird trouble in JC. But it’s the same everywhere. It’s same at poly or JC or ITE or IB or overseas. Wherever there’s people, there’s stuff to handle and there’s conflict.

Wth I just wish some people can stay out of my life before it gets screwed. I just want to be left alone some time and I don’t want to talk about sensitive issues because I DON’T FRIGGIN LIKE TO. GEDDIT? Damn why are some people so persistent.

And STOP ASKING. When I’m not at home, I’m at BAND. LIKE DUH DUH DUH. Wtf. Why can’t these people just give me space to breathe and do what I like. Last night mom just asked me not to go for band in the morning and only for night practices. Like wth. She went like crazy when it was her time. It’s seriously none of her business now, and I don’t need her support in what I do in band or in school because all she does is suan. Ask me to go Xjc again, I swear I will retain in J1 three times till I get kicked out of school. Want to try? Wth just leave me alone because you can’t help me. And I don’t even need your help anymore you biased thing. Go and commit your life to your son since he is so good or whatever. I don’t want to be a doctor or a teacher or whatever you want me to okay. Since he has eaten so much of your money ask him to luh. Leave me out of it. Look, if you think you can use money to get me into XJC well think again. I won’t fall for it okay. I’ll go where I want to. So please STFU.

Went to Swensons for lunch with Joey, Kana and Chyan. I ate some Chilli Crab pasta. HAHAHA.  I don’t really like it, I think I should just stick to lasagna. :B I had a Gold Rush sundae too! S-weet! Yum. Chat a bit then camwhored. HAHAHA.

Then afterwards we went to Cine for a movie, we watched My Sister’s Keeper. I like it but it’s so sad, keep crying. I hate cancer. Because I lost her to it. Ah well, God bless.

Screw my phone. You problem kid.

Went out at noon to have lunch, then bought eyeliner+eyecolour at Face Shop.

I dyed my hair brown when I reached home. I feel stupid, my hair is already brown still dye brown, the difference is very minimal actually. Only can see the reddish colour at the roots. Ah well, good thing is that I don’t have to dye it to black when receiving results. Ah, dyeing it burgandy after ACJC tune-in. Or maybe purple/red. Haven’t really decided yet. Ah well, my hair smells like the dye. Sniffs.

My heels weren’t the highest, apparently. Everyone was lovely. (: Congrats to Vana for being Miss Crescentian 2009. You look beautiful tonight!

I wanted to puke towards the end of Prom. Sucks big time. Why man why.

I was walking into the room, then I heard music out of no where, I thought she came to take me away too. Well it was from my mom’s phone.

I talked again during my sleep, till I woke up from talking. Maybe I don’t tell people what I want to convey when in real life, so I say it when I’m sleeping, well at least it can get some stuff off my chest.

My mom was rushing for work this morning but then I told her I miss my grandma. She was like ‘which one?’ Why would I miss the other one. She doesn’t even love me. Doubt she can even spell my name.

Prom tonight. I hope I don’t fall and die. Wth am I talking about. I hope I don’t do something stupid later. Happy wappy. Happy wappy. Happy wappy. I’m going to have fun. Jo’s Dad is going to fetch us home later. Kinda regretting for not booking a room at the hotel, not it’s fully booked I heard.

I don’t think I should put on too much make up, since my skin and nose so sensitive. So unlucky right. I know. I shall get make up later. The ones at home are like finishing. Then again, I should just settle for lip gloss. I think my eyelashes are long enough, don’t need mascara. LOLS. Okay I’m such a braggart. Mine are more than 6mm okay! ^^ They’re not fake! They are real but they fall off very easily. I had no idea so many people shaved their brows before. I don’t dare to. HAHAHA. OOPS. To ZH: Maybe that’s why I look like a kid.

Woke up and kept snoozing till I felt nauseous. Got chidded. Left the house. I sat on 105 and traveled to Serangoon to kill time. Ame called and asked me to meet her at Ion but I guess I didn’t want her to feel guilty since Gor scolded me as if was pmsing cus of his bgr. It’s not even my business. Why must throw temper at me. )’: Life sucks.

The journey was long. And I thought a bit. Teared at the thought of her as I came across a temple at toa payoh. I hope she’s safe. Why does it always have to rain nowadays, rainy days make me think of her. The stuff I should have done while she was still around, the things I should have said. I want to hold her hands and embrace her, though I know that it is clearly impossible. I would want to close my eyes, and think she’s there, give her a hug, because I miss her. Now I feel her near me, but I’m sure I’m just trying to cheat myself that I’m not alone. She’s up there watching me, I hope, and the rest as well. I wonder if they think of her as often as I do. I think of her everytime there’s something meaningful going on in life. It still feels like it was yesterday. when they changed your clothes. When you wore make up. When we’re sitting on the floor, drowned by the chanting. When your face went pale. When I looked disbelievingly at the paper mansion they were going to burn for you. When XH was folding the papers for you. When Kai Ting and I slept and talked about where the fan should face. When mum read the holy book. When XH knelt by your bed and prayed. When you asked for Gor to lean closer. When I stood there and laughed because I thought it could not be happening to you.

When I saw your face in the papers.

When the teachers asked why I wasn’t in school and I blurted out the damn fact. When I went to the hospital almost every other day. When you came home but kept puking and I wasn’t making things better. When you told me not to eat spicy stuff but I still did.

When you thought me how to cook Hakka food. When you said I was smart. When you called every weekend and say that it’s time to ‘go home’, when there isn’t any home to go to now.

Then I remember them wanting to burn your clothes too. And when they hung your picture on the wall. And take it down later. When I dreamt of you in my sleep. And I was afraid of you. When you shook your head and can’t talk in my sleep. I now know that I really loved you. I want to tell you that I’m really sorry for not taking care of the rest.

And I want to say that I want you back. But this is just talk. Talk is cheap. Some times I forget to pray for you. Some times I just don’t want to think of you because it makes me sad. I guess I’m not strong enough to accept your leave. If I can relive the past, I would want to do anything that made you angry. Just so that you know I had so much more to learn, then you couldn’t have left me. I want to walk with you again. I would have looked at you longer, and not be obsessed with crayons and paper. I would have squeezed your hand tight.

I know whatever is my results, you would be proud of me. I know you would have told me something I would want to hear from everyone else. You would say I’m a good girl, but you wouldn’t brag about it. You would probably find no need to compare, you would probably have bought me something you think I like. Ngai ai ngi nai nai, doh cha.

Everywhere I’m looking now
I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you’re my saving grace

You’re everything I need and more
It’s written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won’t fade away

I should learn to let go some things. Well, it’s better to give it up if it only goes one way, then only can both parties benefit from the new change ya? (: It’s not such a morbid thing actually, just following instructions, though ‘forget’ing about stuff is certainly not my forte. But if I don’t start erasing everything, I guess that one year will become two, then three, then four and five. By the time I turn 40, I would be a professional spinster, because I can’t let go aye? Must open up to new choices! I’m going to do a good job in that! Yea I can do it! 😀 Jiayou li na!!!!

Well, chick over dicks! 😀 At least I hold my pact till the very end of everything! Not all of us did you know.

I can hear my brother arguing with his girlfriend. See what happens when you go too fast in a relationship. Tsktsk, you might just lose everything. Ah well, I think this time round the girl is rather sticky, they together for quite long already. She hasn’t come for a few days. Ah well!

Famous Amos called me last night! 😀 I should be confident of myself since Nav was so confident that I can make it. 😀 Thanks Nav though I mnow you’re not reading my blog, probably listening to your emo and cheem songs. HEH.

Meeting Aphicha before he leaves for Thailand soon for Uni. Though he was sometimes in the ‘I’ class and not in my ‘L’ classes, I think he is still closer to us bunch! 😀 HAHA omg remember the Boon Lay Idol contest! HAHA!!! ><  One of my friends liked him like crazy,bought him presents and wrote him cards. I would never have done that in primary school! So daring!! There was once when I felt that he was so annoying because he kept teasing me. Yup all the teasing started in primary school. Yuh, my life sucks because everyone likes to tease me and say whoever likes me blah blah which is super annoying especially in primary school. Except when it came to Timothy. BUT THAT WAS P2. We held hands okay! Sigh but that was because all of us had to hold hands and he was just my partner. BUT. It’s still a great deal since he can choose to hold a guy’s hand! Good old days when I can’t do my abacus. Lols, everyone in my family can remember Timothy okay. Because I always said ‘I love Timothy’. HAHAHAHA. Wth did I know about love. Anyway we came up with our children’s names. HAHA. I forgot what already.

Argh the point is. I have to get a present for Aphicha before he leaves Singapore. HAHAHA. I shall call him at Thailand and sing the miss-you-like-crazy song. HAHAHAHA. *HUGS TRANSPARENT APHICHA TILL IT CAN’T BREATHE* LOLS. Friends 4evazxzxzzxzx.

Went for a haircut this morning after breakfast at Swensons with Ma. Turned out to be a gruelling 4hour trip to the hairdresser’s to rebond my waves. HAHA. Ah well, looks neater now? 🙂

Went out with Sandra, her mom and siblings and Nigel’s friends as well. Turned out that we can’t watch the concert. Ah well, we hung out though! LOLS. (:

My mother tried to wake me up but I was dead tired, slept at around 3am this morning! But failed! So…she gave me money to visit doctor by myself. Obviously I won’t go right, if I go and have to eat medicine then I can’t possible pay attention in band right! Duh.

So I was woken up by Rach’s sms. And I hurriedly got prepared for SCHOOL. Yea baby! Was wondering what to wear for alumni practice. Ended up wearing super casually, with khaki shorts and bright neon tee! HEHH. Wanted to wear slippers too but scared a bit too informal so I wore my cause-blisters-everlast shoes! ):

Skipped breakfast, probably too excited! YAYYY. My tone sucked but yayyyy I miss you baby! But your trigger broke, AGAIN. Wth, it was already loose this morning, who bully you huh! NVM, Mr Ng will fix you so that we can be happy together again! 😀 Love you to the maxxxx. XOXO.

Swicted to a double bass instrument. Lols, They never greased it for a long time, the slide was very hard to move! Ah well, better than nothing. >< Anyway they played Irish Tune first but I was quite paiseh to play because actually went early to warm up but jie convinced me to go up and watch the band, in the end I played luh. Super fun! I played all the 3rd parts. HAHAHA. I CMI for pinocchio third part, cannot reach, too low! End up jie asked me to play 1st for pinocchio i think, either that Enka Medley. YAY Enka Medley so awesome!!!

LOLS felt damn at home in band! I missed band so much! Thought about it everyday okay! Anyway Mrs Chua asked me to go down to teach them at the bridge since I so free! (when I sound so bad now!) I shall brush up on my tone and volume first mahhhhhhh. Ah well, I can’t guarantee to go down cause I don’t know may have stuff going on? But I will try my best ar! If I don’t have any other activity sure will go teach one! 😀 Sad man jie cannot come down to play or teach for a while due to her exams! LOLS. Grah! She’s already taking her Uni exams I’m just like done with my Os!

Anywayyyzxzxzxzxzx. Meeting SY on Monday to pass her my books! GRAH. HAHA. Bye books! I won’t miss you!

West Winds concert tomorrow. Watching it with laopo! HAHA. 😀 So long since I watched a concert! I don’t even know what time is it luh, but nvm!

Anyway alumni pracs will be evenings till 9pm! HAHAHA. Playing at night quite cool ar! :DHAHA just now Mr Lee was leaving then I waved to him then he waved back! HE IS SUPER CUTE OKAY! Lols, if only my granddad is so cute! oops.

THERE’S ALUMNI PRAC ON MONDAYYYYY~! I CAN’T WAIT TILL THEN!

P.S I need a clear recording of Der Vogelhandler!